My Praise

I am a part of a very complicated family, and every so often someone acts out against another member. The current situation of which I am enduring hurts my feelings and makes me feel intense anger towards the one instigating this whole thing, yet at the same time I am sad to see how this person is only hurting themselves even more.

This family member is not very trusting of the rest of the family and always threatens to cut us out of her life if we do something to offend her or make us upset. In return, I feel as though I am walking on a tight rope, where one false move could be a major catastrophe. The tension of a tight rope walker is there: speedy heart-rate, the holding of breath, the anxiety, the concentration to not error. I am developing a stress lump on the back of my neck as I write this.

Ironically, this situation shows me how wonderful God’s character is. If he were to be anything like we on earth are, that would be one scary God to please. In fact, it would be impossible to please him if he were merely concerned about our actions and stupidity. Yet he is a God who loves us without prerequisites. He’s forgiving. “phew!* Relief. Family should love unconditionally, but family is human. Should family bless one another unconditionally–even when one member betrays and does wrong against others? Hmmm, I’m not sure. To think of how God has always loved me just as much now as a terrible sinner as when I was a good and innocent child really baffles me, but I’m starting to get it. Though I have done so much wrong against others, myself, and God, he continues to love me and bless me in profound ways that I see daily.

Although I am experiencing turmoil once again in the family and perpetually have at least one bad thing in action or conspiring, these days I am truly feeling God’s love and mercy in a way that I wouldn’t have if I first didn’t know the feeling of pain. One of my college professors once made a point in a lecture on faith that there could be no knowledge of love without hate, nor good without evil. So true…

    • sporadicwriter
    • August 10th, 2010

    Ideally, I would agree that one should. However, life is messy and people imperfect. Therefore, it is understandable to keep a blessing from family members. People do it all the time. Its not right…but sometimes, “that’s just life.”

    As Christians the dichotomy between unconditional selflessness and guarding one’s heart against unnecessary pain…is a difficult balance to reconcile. Many can’t. I know I don’t always succeed.

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