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“Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace” by Ayelet Waldman

As a fellow feminist, she has a lot of interesting and quite poignant things to say about motherhood and abortion…all of which I seem to agree with so far. I particularly like her refreshing perspective on abortion, as a pro-choice individual who is able to see the dark side of partial-birth abortions as infant killings and not just a “clump of cells” as her mother, a 1st wave feminist, had taught her.

I hope to write a review of her book soon.

Here is the link to her NPR interview: NPR Interview with Ayelet Waldman
Here is the link to her story on NPR: Her Story

2010
06/06
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We moved!!

2010
04/19
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The Idea of Dating for Christians (Vindication to Date Non-Christians)

This whole topic was prompted by talks I’ve had with my friends about my date this coming weekend. I’ve titled this “The Idea of Dating for Christians”, because of the so-called expectations the Christian society has put on its singles. You see, my date this weekend is with a man I’ve known at work who seems to be fairly nice, but as far as I know (or assume) he isn’t a Christian. And, what is “Christian”? Which, I’m not going to try to answer that in a tangent. That’s just not my point. I would just like to point out some general thoughts I’ve heard in my lifetime (and recently) from the North American Christian community.

  • Why would you date someone who isn’t a Christian?
  • Would you marry this person if they aren’t a Christian?
  • What do you think he’s interested in/expects on this date?
  • Do you think “missionary dating” is a good idea?
  • Isn’t it inconsiderate of you to date him when you don’t think it could ever be anything serious [because of your religious differences]?
  • It’s bad to be unequally yoked.

I will attempt to respond to these, but they will probably be a little out of order. Yet, to those general thoughts, here’s my general response: I take one single date as exactly what it means—a date. Most people, I think Christian or not, would agree that the first date is a test-drive; it doesn’t mean anything serious and it doesn’t have any expectations (at least it shouldn’t). I have a date and think there is nothing sinful or foolish about having a date with someone who possibly doesn’t share my religious beliefs. Perhaps he does! And should he or I be labeled a Christian (or not) if we are more or less so? Christianity is so diverse—even more so, our spiritual journeys are unique. I shouldn’t judge his spirituality or faith before I have had my first date with him. If I were to be as specific as to require that a guy not only has to be good, compatible, etc. (which are rare) but also have my same religion would be asking too much this early, I think. There isn’t any way to even judge with certainty the first two calibers, as these things will be revealed the more we date/get to know each other. How should I ever know about his spiritual life at this point? Is it my right to judge that?

It isn’t my ideal to marry a non-believer, however maybe I’d consider it. One of my good friends jokes, “There aren’t any Christian men. There are just men who meet pretty women and then become Christians when they realize she won’t give in [sexually].” As pessimistic and exaggerated as that is, it’s a little true. (I think this might have been the case with my parents, in fact). Missionary dating is when people see that their spouse needs Jesus and try to convert them. For me, that is wrong. If he comes to the faith, I want to know it was on his own volition, not because he wants me.   Moreover, I may just as well–or better–have as much in common with a non-believer as I would with a believer. In fact, I have never met a Christian man that agrees with me as much on things in life as some of those non-Christian men I have known. I have met more quality and like-minded non-Christian men than Christian men, but maybe I’m just too worldly! This is just the way things go. Christian doesn’t mean quality or compatible.

Along with that, being unequally yoked is not a recipe for a healthy relationship. I do want to have as much in common and as much equality as I can with my spouse—does that come in an instant? And does that always include religious beliefs? So I would say absolutely not! If we disagree on some things, we disagree. I know that the Bible teaches the importance of being equally yoked. Equally yoked means that two are pulling equal weight on the plow. It’s about making effort and it’s about sharing the burden/responsibilities. Religious agreement could be a part of that, but I don’t think it’s mandatory. It would be nice, though, wouldn’t it?

One last thing: I probably would never have to break off a relationship with a man because of our religious differences because the most likely thing that will happen is that he won’t be able to hold out with a sexually abstinent, monogamous relationship until marriage. And that would be his choice.

Thank you for reading. And for the record, I’m looking forward to my date this weekend!

2010
01/29
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Success: What is it and should we want it?

by Sporadicwriter

What is success to you? What is its definition?
To many, success is measured by achieving one’s goals for career advancement, high levels of academic achievement, prestige, renown and wealth.

Is this truly success? Are wealth and achievement all we need?
As one deeply rooted in community, I admit to being immersed into this type of life. I have been raised and grown up valuing wealth and prestige, high academic and professional achievement as a fulfilled life. All these values, however, are also contrary to what I have always been taught as a Christian about the passing qualities of this world.

There is a higher calling and meaning for all people in existence beyond the world of haze that is money, sex, career and materialism.

As a Christian, I have always been taught to look beyond the surface, beyond what the world sees and what we have created for ourselves. I grew up believing in an existence beyond the busyness that the world has created for itself.

I see the materialism, the obsessions with money, sex and being a workaholic. I have seen beyond the superficiality of our material world, valuing altruism and service above self.

Again I ask, “What is success?”
I believe it is the ability to perceive the shallowness of life in the superficialities of professional achievement, wealth and materialism. It is the ability to work towards the betterment of humanity, to draw oneself into a deeper sense of what it means to truly be human, to give up one’s focus on self but rather focus on the betterment of others less fortunate than oneself. It means to value the things that make life truly important and worth living: the fragility of life, the strength of family, support of friendship, love shared in intimacy, encouragement to the downtrodden, help to the disadvantaged and care for those who don’t know it nor have ever experienced it. This, to me, is the meaning of life.

Success is having achieved pain in circumstances and using it for the betterment of yourself and others. It is an on-going sense of overcoming. To continually overcome the struggles of life, despite what others may say or think or do. You have achieved success.

Lately, I have been repeatedly faced with the decision to overcome. There is the opportunity for me to give up all my vision of success: career growth, academic achievement and financial self-sufficiency. I have the opportunity to give up all these things for joy of life, adventure and continual overcoming. However, I feel so burdened to remain connected to the life of superficiality. In order to maintain my value of family and help for the disadvantaged, I need the academic achievement and career advancement that does not really matter at all in the grand scheme of true life. I know that to give those things up will mean disappointment to my family, who has held out hope for me to be the “success” [advanced degree(s) and decent salary: $50-60K min] where my brother has fallen short of family expectations. Above all, my greatest concerns are for family. It is important to me to lessen the burden of financial uncertainty and absence of friendship for one family member who will soon be alone in this world. Still important, also, is the elder care of my parents in their old age. In this world, we are all called to individual responsibility. Yet, for those that cannot help themselves, family is often there to pick them up and that is the role I desire to take. Professional achievement would provide financial support in caring for family as well as for direct service to the marginalized and disadvantaged.

I know that I would be overjoyed to give up all these things only to become miserable, feeling my life a waste as I am unable to fulfill my dream to help the disadvantaged. How do I give up on this dream when it is so intertwined with both realities of life? I do not feel as though one can truly be severed from the other. And yet, in many ways, the one cannot co-exist with the other.

It is a conundrum, is it not?
This is the plight of one who lives in this world.
How can one truly live in it and yet still not be of it? It is often quite a gray area.

Perhaps, it is the strength of a mature believer to acknowledge the severance that is needed and the wisdom of God that provides the avenue to make a clean cut into unadulterated Life.

2009
12/16
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